I had a hard time understanding why I needed a Father in heaven when I had one here on earth. It never made sense to be that someone was teaching me life lessons here and I was suppose to rely on a heavenly Being to show me the way. Perhaps, it was something I would learn later; as a Sunday School attender, it wasn't explained in a way that I had inner understanding. Perhaps I struggled with someone being perfect; Daddy certainly was not. I understood kind, fair, and right from my earthly father.
The earliest thing I remembering doing with Daddy are two fold; both happened at the house on Main Avenue North. One was waiting for him to finish the paper on Sunday morning so he would read me the comics. Mother didn't like that, I would soon be covered with newsprint ink but it was a weekly connection for us. The other was being all dressed up to have a family picture taken and me running around and banging my head on the door frame. Mother said we weren't going; Daddy said the photographer could paint it out--which he did. So there was a big difference of how people looked at things from the very beginning. LESSONS: Be patient and kids do not sit still while all dressed up.
On Oakland Park Road, I remember him bringing home a Boston Terrier puppy from Minneapolis. The dog's name was Jigs, and he was in Daddy's suit pocket! When he had sold the collie because she didn't mind him, he bought a duck at the fair to 'replace' Lassie. I suspect the duck was not the kind of a pet you have in the house, although it did a good job of always pooping under the piano bench on the carpet. Jigs, like every other dog we had, would have, and did have, were trained to poop outside. If you were thinking of pooping on the floor you better be ready to have your nose rubbed in it. Throughout my life time at home, I can hear Daddy saying to any dog when he let him outside, "GO S*!" ON COMMAND!? LESSON: Talk about when you feel something is unfair, it just might work on in a way you never thought about.
During this same era, mother was at the San. I spent a lot of time with Daddy on Sundays. We often went to the lumber yard where Daddy and the owner, and his friend, Andy would visit while Andy was having his hair cut. I loved to play with the demo locks and keys and 'rearrange the displays'. The Sunday ventures continued for several years, whether it be checking on the jobs or exploring for ponies. LESSON: You learn a lot about your parents watching them interact with their friends.
I am not certain if Greg and I were really sick with pneumonia the summer of 1950. I just know that Dr. Starkow told him to buy me the biggest doll he could find and take me over to the Mercy Hospital. Maybe I wasn't that sick, maybe my grand parents needed a break but Greg and I were both admitted; mine was for two weeks and Greg for three. I was in a bed in the hall and when Daddy came to get me after discharge, he had a new Cadillac and the paper was still on the doors. It was the day of my sixth birthday and when I got home, I was put to bed. It would be the same year I got a watch for Christmas, which he wrapped himself like it was a roast, he told me it was not how it wrapped that counted but the gift inside. I still beg to differ and go to great lengths to wrap packages and that is probably why. LESSON: It is okay to disagree.
A popular thing during those years was to go to the dump. They didn't have garbage pickup like they do now. You either burned stuff in a barrel in your back yard, or you took it to the dump. It was on the river on the way to St. Hilaire. One would throw the stuff unto the river bank or leave it in a pile and the city crew would burn it. The rats were numerous. I didn't get on the ground; people came to 'shop' and mother's clothes and alligator shoes were snatched up! Our family learned to wait for Daddy to say, "Do you want to go to the dump? I will buy you a Dairy Queen." It became a family outing. LESSON: Sometimes you have to give to get.
In the mid forties, Daddy was building a barn and the skill saw slipped. He had 144 stitches on the outside of his leg, no telling what all they had to do interior. He was in the hospital for sometime. After that happened, if he was driving for several hours, he would walk with a limp, we always knew when he had been behind the wheel too long. He drove hard. He said he traded cars when the ashtrays were full. It wasn't unusual in those early construction years to make two trips to Minneapolis in a day. Obviously he didn't sleep much. LESSON: Our human kinks don't leave us even on vacation.
He was a kind of person that liked to go to a zoo. He liked to tease the animals. The monkey's did not appreciate it yet all they could do was scream at him. He did tease a cousin to the llama in upstate New York, however,he was covered with half chewed grass when he turned to look at us as he wiped off his face and glasses. LESSON: He asked for it.
He would sit at his drafting table for hours drawing plans. By the time the family got up around seven, his day has half over, he would start his day around 2 AM. He would draw until we got up, have breakfast and go to the jobs. After lunch a nap of 15 minutes and then back to the office to figure bids for jobs. LESSON: Father's work harder than we will ever know.
We moved to the country in the fall of 1955. He started a pony herd and bought hay. It was a long winter but he calculated how much he needed and he made it by a minimal cut back. He bought he a quarter horse at the Sales Barn in Winger; she was way too much horse for me. He would sell Camille and buy Suntan. Sunny would be a company horse. Both of us could ride her--then he winked. He didn't call her my horse but the wink told me he probably wouldn't be riding her very often. He rode her to make her mind. LESSON: He taught me to have the upper hand with her that I had not learned with Camille.
The best lesson I will leave for last. I asked him for $3.00 to buy a pair of moccasins. He asked me if I needed shoes, I did not. He asked me why I wanted moccasins. I told him because everyone else had them. He stated that was not a good reason. He went to take his midday nap and I washed his subcompact car using a bath towel to dry it. When he woke up from his nap and saw his car was cleaned, he said that it would cost him $3.00 to have it washed at the filling station. He paid me $3.00 for washing his vehicle and winked while he said, "And you can spend it anyway you want."
To this day, I still don't have moccasins. I learned that my drummer is not necessarily another person's drummer, I can follow my own lead although sometimes I may get lost.
He spanked me once, I don't remember what it was for. I know he used a hair brush and took me across his knee. I don't think he spanked hard, I remember I cried because I was so surprised to get a licking. It may have been one of those times when Greg and I had been bad and days later it was decided we were to be punished.
If I was to say the most important lesson I used as a parent myself, it would have to be the YES OR NO rule. No always led to WHY. Daddy always gave me the reason. He never said, "Because I said so." He said I deserved an answer because I listened.
He was a likable fellow. You could see that when he visited with friends. He was as fair and honest as one could be. He cared and I knew it and although I might write accolades for hours, what it all boils down to is simple: I loved him dearly.
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