HUMAN FIRE PLUGS

It was bad enough with the diaper detail a couple of weeks ago but then, because I am that way, I over drank. Over drank to the point I might have put out a fire. And my sweet Thomas says, "Hold it." Well, my holder doesn't always hold. Besides, it didn't work for Uncle Bennie after prostate surgery when his brother told him to "Hold it, it will make your bladder bigger."

I mixed up my fluids and take at least 25% in the food. Of course if you have a nice cold slice of watermelon~~let's move on.

Let's get to the top. There was an old riddle when I was a kid. Cruel as it may sound, it was tricks to walk up to some poor soul and say, "You must have seven holes in your head".

Let me tell you, it has been a seven holes in my head sort of week. I am not willing to state I have allergies to something out there in Fargo land, yet my nose itches and runs. It is okay, we have 200 boxes of tissues. Well, almost.

Then, I have this itchy, wet ear thing. I cut my finger nails off because I was digging in them and making it worse. That is two fold, I had my pointers sharpened to fit and of course I was introducing junk into my out ear. Last night, sometime well after I was asleep, I woke up digging. I knew where the drops where and pattered down stairs, put drops in, stuffed them with cotton and went back to sleep. This morning, Tom was asking me if he should start my coffee, finally he touched me. I said, "WHAT?" I saw his mouth moving. I must have shouted because he had that look on his face. I said, "I can't hear you, I have cotton in my ears".

I read somewhere recently that if you swish hydrogen peroxide around in your mouth for ten minutes, (like when you take a shower), it will whiten your teeth. That lasted about 10 seconds.

Which brings me to eyes. Those of you who know me well, know that I have cataracts on both eyes, which do not disturb my vision and cupping which leads to glaucoma. But we aren't at the drop stage yet and when we get there, I will have long, lovely eye lashes.

I went back to the eye guy yesterday for a recheck. Yep, the cupping is still there but hasn't changed and the pressures are lower than last time, (must be all the cooked veggies which are easier to digest than meat and raw foods).

So the pre-exam, you know, the one where someone comes in and asks you if you have had any surgeries or changes in medication since your last visit, which was six weeks ago. Then she asks if I am using hot compresses on my eyes twice a day. Well, folks, that means WATER!!! They had not told me to use compresses, I told her. She said, "It is in the notes". Shut up!

So then the doctor comes in and does the same thing and he sees I have a sty starting so he says, get this: "Use hot compresses four times a day and put this on your eye lid after each time". Okay, I am alright with that. I can do that. I trust this man.

Before I left, they did a field of vision test where you sit with your head against a bar and press a button when you see light. Before the in-the-notes-person was starting, she figured the machine didn't work because she could see my eye. Well, dah, I had my eyes closed.

Now the topic of conversation at the table last night was eyes. Tom knew every term and why. I told him about the compresses and the drops. He said that worked but better yet would be to use very warm water while showering and wash my lids with shampoo and a massaging like motion. I am looking at him like for real? Now, the problem is, I trust Tom with my life, just as I trusted my grandmother. So I told him I would try it although we did not have any Johnson's Baby Shampoo because these Johnson's don't have a baby, we don't even have a dog! He said the shampoo we had for silver hair doesn't burn and assured me he does it every shower.

Before I went to bed, I hot packed and wiggled my toes because it was really hot and I put the drops in. When I got up to fix my ears, my eyes were NOT stuck shut.

But when I woke up this morning, they were. Oh this was fun. So I ambulated to the bathroom by feel. By this time, I had the cotton out of my ears. I heard Tom say that I was trying to go into the north bedroom. I wondered why the door to the bathroom was shut and the knob was on the wrong side.

I hot packed the tossed yet another wash cloth over the side of the tub. I put in the drops and finally made it to the computer and got coffee.

And that is the whole story and all of it is true. And what did I learn? This is, beyond having seven fire plugs in my head? That the lube that washes one's eye can thicken up and that plugs up the tear ducts.

Getting old is not for sissies