Friday, June 11, 2010

PART TWO AND THREE OF THE INSULT

Now Tom and I don't have much luck, that is why he keeps things serviced and is a sentry for equipment. As I said yesterday, the trolling motor went out and then the GPS, the system which tells us our trails and the depth, went out. He went to town with the units, got the trolling motor working and the guru at the sports store said the GPS was functioning just fine. For a while we thought we were going to have to replace both of them. What shall we sell? :) Then the bilge pump didn't work. Well, that was because when they cleaned the boat, ahem, they forgot to get all the leaves out of it. When we got home, the hot water heater didn't work. Ching, ching.

This next part is a water story too, but it has to do with not drinking enough. I had a bout of diarrhea, (aren't you happy you tuned in for diarrhea), and since we where going to the lake, I wanted to get it stopped. So I took Imodium, four of them in less than six hours, with no water, of course.

Then I got a major belly ache so I tossed down some Nulev for cramps. With no water, of course. Well, then I had this fist full of crap in me that would not move. Someone had cut the fingers out of the only latex glove at the lake so then I took some Miralax. With no water, of course. With all the pushing and rocking I found myself in a fix. The clump was cemented in and I allowed my self to push like a baby was coming creating hemorrhoids.

I already knew I had to lay off the cramp meds. But I didn't think about drinking water. So the Miralax started to work, and my raw skin burned like a sun of a gun.

Now I couldn't sit up because of the fly-in-the-boat and/or because of the clump. That is when stuff started to ooze out. Is this really the way to live?

I slept on towels and folded blankets with a wad of tissue to catch the drips and when the cramps came, I walked to the bathroom on a floor covered with towels.

On Monday, Tom brought home adult diapers. I wasn't making it to the bathroom and horrid thought that may be, diapers seemed more sane than dripping. Besides, it was less painful to lay and poop than sit and try.

And I was drinking lots of water. Tuesday night, although painful, I shot out a few M 16 missiles, the last one expelling with a pop. The war with the clump was over and I had won. And I was drinking water and asking for soup from the Fryin' Pan. This was a good sign!

After all, I could move better and lay down and use the computer. And lots of Vaseline! And lots of wipes! Tom came home each day with something else I may need. Including the ring to sit on. And 7-up, and soup and wipes, and diapers.

I deemed wellness yesterday and wore white clam diggers. And when Tom came home last night and asked how I was, I showed him the seat of my pants were not soiled! And I drank water.

You know, I hate water but in this case, it is my friend AND if I had fallen over board and drank water, I would not have this amazing story to tell.

Is that poop on the phone?

e