I was writing to a former class mate this morning. He lives in our birth city and seems to have become the liaison for any information about class mates--mostly about illness and yes, death.
And he said, "We were going to Cafe LaBree to have a sandwich. It was the plan after harvest. The plan did not happen.
And so today, I ask you, what are your plans with others? And if they perish or you do, will you hold on to the sack which had the plan?
Aren't plans for living people? Will MST say, "I never took her fly fishing" Or will I say, "I never insisted we go fly fishing".
I told the hygienist the other day that I planned meals for 10 days at a time. It is no guarantee we will have those meals on those days but it does get me out ahead of what is to come. Getting stuck at Oprah time, which is four o'clock with no plan for supper makes it hard to round something up at 5P. Planning ahead is not living in the future, yet, it gives us all a sense of claim to have a sense of accomplishment and a sense of worth each day. It doesn't matter how high powered you are or if, like me, you are a doodler, sense of worth is necessary. Notice I did not say luxury.
And that makes me wonder. If, like Juanita, with a child home with double broken ear drums, is her attitude in the toilet because she can't or rather, doesn't think she can do anything for this poor, sick child? I would hope not, for as mother's, it seems, sense of worth and pleasure are often on a sliding scale according to the health and well being of those we nurture, (yes, that includes husbands).
Personally, I think that is flawed. I think we are responsible to protect worth/pleasure at all costs regardless of what is going on around us. It is part of our duty as humans. It has nothing to do with worrying about sick kids or being sad about someone dying. It has all to do with what we are--deep in side where there are no words.
The challenge for all of us is to make decisions on what we feel is worth/pleasure and go from there even if, sometimes, we find ourselves wringing our hands because loved ones are sad or mad--or heaven forbid, not living their lives as we feel they would do better.
A little struggling has it's good points. Make a plan to struggle a little.